The Loveless Maxx

So, summer is over.  I know what you’re thinking;  “Duh, of course summer is over.  It’s November!”.  Ok, ok, so I’m a little late on my end of summer blog.   I don’t really have an excuse for my lack of blogging.  I could try and make one up if you would really like me to.  Let’s give it a try.  Here it goes:

I got in a fight with a midget (should it be little person?), and was handedly winning, as you would against a man of such small stature.  Here I was feeling good about myself, when just as I was about to walk away, he grabbed a folding chair and smashed my hand, leaving me incapable of typing for 2 months. 

How was that?  Convincing?  How about we just go with I’m lazy and unmotivated, so I didn’t blog. 

I’m sort of at loss for what to write about here.  Normally, I have something to complain about or some recent woman who has wronged me.  Honestly, it seems that women wrong me on regular basis.  Just about every month, I find someone of the female gender who does something to piss me off and therefore I write a blog pointing out the misguided ways of dating and romance.  “Come on, stupid women!” I say to myself (of course I say this out loud and then answer myself with “Yeah…who needs em. We’ve got each other”.  Might be crazy…not sure.).  However, today I started to realize that maybe (just maybe), I might be contributing to my lack of love. 

Some of you out there right now are shocked, and for that I’m sorry.  I should have started this blog by saying “Be warned, you might be presented with startling truths about Maxx Power himself!”  Then you could have possibly chosen another activity to occupy your evening.  Here are some options:

1. Knit
2. Watch paint dry
3. Play World of Warcraft (trying to stay in tune with my nerdy crowd)
4. Fight a little person.  I hear they use chairs in a fight.

Anyway, if you’re still with me, and not completely appalled that I might point out my own faults, I realized I might be part of the problem and not part of the solution.  Could it be that I am not lovable?  I’m not talking “Oh, what a big cuddly bear!” lovable, but more like romantic, head over heels lovable.  Come on, everyone knows I’m big cuddly bear lovable.  I just wonder if maybe my personality and the way I live my life are not condusive to being “in love”.  Let’s take a look at a few key points about Maxx Power that shows I may be driving the women away. 

• I am nice.  You know the old addage;  Girls only like douchebags.  I can’t tell you how many times this is true.  I wll admit there are a handful of women who love completely decent guys.   All of my friends wives, my sister-in-law, my sister and others that I’m not going to spend the time naming.  Some women just love dickheads.  For a while, I started to think that wasn’t me, but sometimes I can be one of those.  I’ve been rude to girls and objectified women.  I can be a jerk.  The problem is I normally only do that with the girls who don’t like it.  Which leads me to my next issue…
• I have no idea how to be cool or “suave” in dating.  I’m like the worlds biggest awkward 30-year-old.  I’m awkward at first dates, first kisses and end of the nights.  After we kiss the first time I respond with “Gosh, that neato!”.  Ugh…I’m lame!
• Girls who like me, I get bored with very easily.  I don’t have much more to add here. 
• I let women change me.  This is something that I have grown to hate about myself.  Everytime I start liking a woman, I let myself be changed into something she wants.  I’ve decided to take a stand and just be who I am, and let them like me for me.  It hasn’t worked so far, but I continue to try. 
• I have terrible viewpoints on love and marriage.   You’ve all read my blogs where I tell you how love sucks and blah, blah, blah.  I talk about how marriage ruins your life and how I think some people get married just to keep from being lonely.  The thing is I say all the same things to the women I date.   Yeah…I know.  STUPID!  Who wants to date a guy who is scared that when he gets married he will lose his freedom?

As you can see, these are all reasons why I think I’m sabotaging my own love life.   I’ve also discovered recently that my views on marriage suck and I should, in no way, be giving advice in this area.  Learn from me, married guys, don’t try to go back to the single life.  It looks shiny and happy and fun.  You think it’s full of naked women, party nights and good music.  Of course, all of these things happen and some day I’ll look back and think “Wow, what a crazy time I had”.   Believe me, you don’t want this life!  You don’t want to have no responsibility or commitment.  You need to stay home and clean the house, and go to the in-laws house.  No all night binges for you.  You know, actually it is pretty fun.  I think I might have just done a terrible job convincing you to be married.

Lesson #48: It’s Useless to Stay With One Topic

Well, it really has been almost three months since my last post.  I’m a slacker, I’m aware.   The summer is nearly over and the thought of fall festivals, football and The 2nd Annual Krebs Halloween Party is starting to creep into my head.  I don’t dislike summer, but I’m really a spring or fall kind of guy.  (On a side note: I despise winter!)  Since it’s been a few months, I want to get you up to date on what you missed (seriously, if you have something better to do, feel free.  This section will be boring.) 

1. Turned 30.  Don’t feel 30, but according to my driver’s license, I am.
2. Went camping.  Apparently ticks don’t care for me.  Everyone else got one on them, but I found none.
3. Played Xbox a lot. 
4. Saw Poison, Def Leppard, Saving Abel, Papa Roach, and Hinder in concert.   
5. Got lime disease from the tick I missed.  Just kidding, but that would’ve been funny since I just bragged.
6. Went on dates
7. Now I’m back. 

Told you….boring. 

Anyway, since I came back I decided I am not going to stay with the one topic of Romance.  It’s a fun topic and I have a lot of things to say about it.  Here are some examples:  “Romance is dumb” or “Romance is for suckers” or “Romance means making a dog and cat kiss”.  You get the point. However, there are other dumb things in life that I think are just as important for me to prod.  So, in the spirit of those things, I would like to present a new list of  

“People/Things I want to Punch”

1. Politics.  No, I’m not talking about just politicians, even though I’m pretty sure ALL of them need a stearn kick in the hindquarters.  Actually, I’m just talking about all politics in general.  Democrats, republicans, independents, socialists, libertarians, etc, etc.  They all need to be punched.  Obama needs to be punched.  That guy who yelled at him on TV needs to be punched.  Honestly, democrats need to be punched because they are hypocrites.  When Bush was president, they attacked him and called him a liar and put stupid bumper stickers on their cars saying “Impeach Bush”.  Now, they are shocked and awed at the fact that republicans would dare question a democrat president.  Oh, the humanity!!  Republicans who were shocked and awed back then are now putting bumper stickers on their cars saying “Nobama”.  Ok, we get it.  I don’t want government healthcare for a lot of reasons, but it’s a nice thought.  Isn’t there something, somewhere that says what we do for the least of these is how we ourselves will be treated?  I’m thinking it was in the Bible.  I’m not sure.   Unfortunately, because we live in such a divided nation, I certainly don’t trust the government (democrat or republican) to run my healthcare. 
2. The old college professor I had who thinks he is the foremost expert on politics.  I’m not going to name this person, but almost everyday I have to see his ridiculous Facebook updates ranting and raving about Obama this, healthcare that.  First, this professor taught media classes, and he really didn’t even do that very well.  It was a well-known fact on campus that if you took his class and he gave you a nickname, you passed.  That, or you were in a sorority.  He taught no political science classes, has no background in politics.  His only qualification is he’s a blow-hard, sort of like a politician.   I’m not saying that normal people shouldn’t have an opinion.  I’m simply saying that it’s funny to me that he puts so much effort into his Facebook updates, but I never saw him bring a book to a class he taught, and he spent the whole time sitting on the desk in the front, cracking jokes, telling old war stories and wasting time.  Yeah, there’s gotta be a good reason the University continues to pay someone like this.  I’ll think of it eventually…
3. Anyone on Big Brother.  Seriously, I’m not going to say much more on this, but these people are complete morons.  Self-centered, assanine dimwits, and yet people watch them.  Ugh.
4. John Calipari.  Ok, everyone knows I’m not a UK fan.   Honestly, I’m a UofL fan before I’m a UK fan.  However, I think UK fans should be a little leary of this dude.  Two different teams he’s coached have both lost their NCAA tournament games due to “indiscretions”.  How does this Mitch Barnhart guy keep his job?  I hope it happens again and UK fans turn on Calipari like they have every other coach who didn’t win them a national title.  I’m not sure if you’re aware of this fans, but you’re not entitled to be champs.  There are WAY better teams than UK.  Try to expand your world outside of the bluegrass. 
5. The new Twilight movie.  This is just the most awful thing to ever grace the screen.  I want to walk in to that movie when it comes out and just literally pee on everyone in the seats.  I know, I know…that’s gross, and you’re right, it doesn’t seem like enough.  Do you think there is a petition we could circulate online that asks for a ban on that movie? 
6. Finally, people who circulate petitions online thinking it will make a difference.  Come on idiots.

Lesson #22: Dating is for Suckers!

It’s been a while since my last post, and I’m really sorry to my five loyal fans.  Each of you will be receiving a written apology from me in the near future.  ( Near = Never  and Future = kiss my butt)  There have been a few things that have happened in my absence, and I feel it important to tell each of you. 

1. I have decided to wade into the online dating world more deeply and signed up for Match.com.  This the website where if you don’t find “love” in six months, they give you another six months free.  I’ve signed up for the 6-month challenge, and I’ve begun to track my progress.   The website provides you with all of this criteria you must meet to beat their challenge.  Here is a few things; a) email 5 people per month (I’ve emailed like 50); b) have a picture on your profile; c) keep your profile active at all times.   I think I might fight any chance at love, just to spit in the face of Match.  Funny enough, I was a little worried I might not be able to do that, when…
2. I actually had a DATE! Not too long after I started using Match, I met a girl off there and we seemed to ”click”.  One thing lead to another, and we decided to have a date.  For anonymity’s sake, we will call her Melissa.  So, Melissa and went to dinner, we hung out at her place, and she told me to let her know what I thought of her.  She was funny, charming, intelligent, and very pretty.  I told her all of this.  I think some of you might be wondering where this went? NOWHERE! After our first date, we didn’t talk on the phone again, even though I called a few times.  The emails continued but they slowed down.  Eventually I just called her out, and she admitted to me that her EX had come back into the picture.  So…I’m stopping the story, because I’m going to touch on this below.
3. I have officially had 10,000 readers!!!!  I have absolutely no idea when this happened, or who is dumb enough to read my blog 10,000 times, but OH YEAH!  Honestly, it shot up really fast, so I decided to check where all my viewers were coming from.  Turns out that on one day I hate 51 readers who directed to my blog based on the fact that they searched Anna Faris (so hot!!).   Oh well, I don’t care how they got there.  I’m going to start tagging all of my blogs with stuff that I know people will search for online.  Here are some examples: Twilight, Jennifer Aniston, and Chuck Norris.  Let’s work towards 20,000!!!

These were great milestones for me in the past few weeks, but I’m not going to linger.  Today’s topic is about the fact that dating is for suckers.  The sucker I refer to here is none other than myself.  I know, I know, it’s hard for all of you to think that I, Maxx Power, would ever be be duped.  However, as much as I would like to think I’m above the fate of the date (see how I rhyme?), I was apparently very naive.   Here are the areas where my obvious lack of experience played against me:

• I thought that by a woman agreeing to a date, I was actually going to see someone who was “ready”.  Apparently, you’re supposed to jump right into dating after a decent relationship, without any regard for the healing process.  Supposedly, two months is quite long enough for a 25-year-old woman to be single. 
• I thought that when someone calls or texts you, you are meant to respond.  This is not true, people.  No, in 2009, the courteous approach is to not respond at all, and then write an email which actually has no mention of an apology about the lack of communication.
• I thought your description of your personality and attitude towards dating was supposed to be honest.  I almost would’ve banked on this one, but again; WRONG.  You’re supposed to say common stuff like “I want honesty, communication, trust, openness” but really want you want is someone to make you feel better.
• I thought when you break up with someone you are supposed to stop talking, at least for a while.  I had just let me past relationships go and moved on, hoping to find someone who could give me the happiness I deserved.  Apparently, you’re supposed to hold onto that previous relationship, and let that person back in.  Nevermind the fact that like one day earlier you were telling your date how bad of a relationship you had, and how you need someone completely different than that person.  That obviously isn’t true, b/c you’re supposed to “drop everyone” when that doucher comes back and says “I can’t live without you” and “I’ll change, I swear”.  Don’t worry about the fact they won’t change.  That doesn’t matter.  What matters is you’re not alone, and you can go back to your co-dependency.

So, apparently I have some learning to do about romance and dating.  Here I am thinking that a lot of women are freaking idiots and are so dumb that they would let guys walk all over them.  I always thought that women who say things like “Oh, he said he won’t do it again” and “I don’t see the problem if he treats me badly. I know he loves me” were the in the wrong.  Sadly, today, I have just realized that all this time I’ve been wrong.  From now on, it’s objectifying women and treatin’ em like crap.  YAY LOVE!!

(Please note:  this was satirical.  I thought I would say that in case there are dumb women reading.)

Lesson #15: Women Are Shallow

You may be asking yourself a simple question;  Why did you just skip from Lesson #1 all the way to Lesson #15?  I really don’t know.   Honestly, I don’t have these lessons written in a book somewhere in numerical order.  This may seem strange, but there are two very clear reasons:

1. If this information were to be kept in a collected fashion, and were to fall into the hands of evildoers (a.k.a females), then the world as we know it would cease to exist.  I’m serious, the knowledge I possess is dangerous…to say the least. 
2. I’m too lazy to write them down. 

So, let’s just all not focus on the minutia here, and try to get back to the important facts at hand, and that of course is Lesson #15:  Women Are Shallow. 

I want to start here by saying that any statement I make is not meant to be directed at the entire female species.  This would be very careless and misdirected from a scientific standpoint.  So, I would like to point out that there are some women out there who are/were not shallow.  I think there’s like five of them, and one is my mother, and the other was Mother Theresa.  The rest of you can fight it out for spots three, four and five.  

I know this is not easy to hear for many of you out there, and I offer up no apologies to you.  For years, I’ve been told that all men do is judge women and all they want is a pretty girl.  Are you serious?  Are there guys out there that want an ugly girl?  Honestly, I’m not trying to be mean here, but why should I say “You know, she’s nice and funny, so I think I’ll get over (insert some type of physical flaw here) and just love her anyway.”?  You have to understand that not all people are beautiful to everyone else, but there is someone out there who finds them attractive.  For me, it’s been difficult, because I’ve searched, but these are the only girls that would have me:

I know…I live a difficult life.  To turn all of these women down, just because they weren’t pretty enough?  I’m heartless.  Anyway, my point here is women are just as shallow.  It may be true that women “seem” to look for personality in a guy, it’s just not true.  Tonight, I talked to my friend about her online dating experience.  She said she signed up for Match.com for a three day trial.  Within two days she had already been approached by numerous guys.  Why? She’s attractive. 

I could sign up for Match.com for a year, and maybe get three dates out of it.  Is it my personality?  No, because they don’t know my personality.  It’s the picture they see.  I would dare to try and put up a fake picture on my profile of an attractive male, and see if that increases my hits.  How many of you think it would?  Right now, like five guys are holding their hands up (these same guys are at their computer, in their underwear, eating cheetos), and all the women out there are crunching up their noses thinking “Ugh…whatever”.  Face it ladies, you’re not looking for personality.   How many women have you known who go up to the average joe at the bar and say “Hey, you look reliable, honest, and ridiculously funny.  Wanna dance?”?  I can answer this question for you: NONE.  Mostly because 1) Women refuse to go up to guys in bars because apparently women’s liberation hasn’t quite made it there yet, and 2) because that average joe at the bar can’t dance for his life.  Seriously…we’re really bad at it. 

The sad thing is, where men are merely shallow in the looks department, everything else we’ll overlook.  You could be homeless, uneducated, and pretty much a total bore, but as long you look like this LADY, and most single men would marry you.  This of course proves Lesson #16:  Men Are So Shallow It’s Stupid. 

The point I make here is, that even though men openly admit they are this dumb, women fight the stereotype that haunts them, which is, unless you’re hot or rich, you got no chance with a bikini model (also…having a blog like mine helps).  Some of you are just cursing my name right now, but I actually am going to back this one up.  According to AskMen.com (yes, we are the experts on everything):

Studies with college coeds show that when shown photographs of men dressed in high-status uniforms (suits, ties, expensive watches, etc.) and low-status uniforms, these women would be significantly more willing to enter into relationships with the more expensively-attired males regardless of the man’s physical appearance. (reference)

Did you read that right?  “Significantly more willing to enter into relationships with the more expensively-attired males regardless of the man’s physical appearance”   Didn’t I just tell you that you have to be either hot or rich?  Yeah…that was me.  Science never fails.  The only problem I’m starting to realize here is, I’m neither.  Ooops.

 

And the Lesson You Should Take From This…

As many of you can see, I’ve updated my blog page.  It’s new and improved.  Well, the look is new and improved, but the topics are still the same ol’ stuff.  That is, until tonight.  Tonight begins a new phase in my blogging history (such a colorful past as well.  All 2 years of it).  You see, I’ve decided to focus my energy more on one topic, rather than ranting and raving about miscellaneous subjects.  I know there are many of you who will be disappointed that I’ve recommitted myself not to writre about politics or curent events.  I mean, it’s sad not to get the correct perspective, such as my own.  I mean, the media refuses to question Obama, so without my commentary, who will stand up for honesty? 

Nevertheless, I will continue to write my blog, but on the subject of love.  Yes, you read that right.  A single guy, in his thirties, with no real prospect for love, is going to be writing about just that topic.  I know you all clearly understand how obvious this should be.  I’m perfect for the job.  I’ve had numerous relationships that never work, and I have absolutely zero dates.  I’m such a hot comodity.  Basically, I intend to share my thoughts, findings (I sound like a scientist), and stories to help all of you do three things:

1. Appreciate what love you do have and be thankful that you’re not a guy like me.  I mean, seriously, who wants to be thirty and single?  Ask anyone who is and you’ll quickly discover that it sucks!  On this same note, all of you have who have found that special “someone”, this may also help you to understand the 30-and-single-somethings bitterness or pessimism towards romance.  If you walk up to a girl and everytime you get kicked in the balls, you’re either going to stop walking up or start wearing a cup.  Now that is science!
2. To reach out to all the other single people out there, and be a shoulder to lean on, a ear to listen, or just someone to feel your pain. 
3. Just to let you laugh at my mistakes.  I’m a clown…here for your enjoyment.

I’ll be bringing you this blog as a list of lessons.  Today, I want to start off by sharing with you Lesson #1: I’m the Worst Person to Teach Lessons. 

I know, why am I even telling you this right away.  Well, I figure it’s kind of like the disclaimer before the show, Jackass.  You know, don’t try this at home, or else you’re a moron.  So, I’m telling that any lesson I teach you is pretty much useless and should not be applied in the real world.  These lessons could lead to a) heartbreak, b) loss of friends, and/or c) severe physical trauma to one or many of your external limbs and private areas.   Mostly because I am a guy, and guys are idiots (this is a later lesson).  I would like to say I understand females.  I would also like to say I have flat abs and a million dollars.  You’ve been warned. 

In saying all of the above, I also want to point out that everything I write is completely correct and proven scientifically, except for the fact that none of it is proven.  Confused? Yeah, see why I made this Lesson #1.

Updated Looks…

…Now we just have to update the content.  I know you’re all pumped!!!

Coming Soon!

I’ve decided to change the format of my blog slightly.  I’m not quite yet ready to start this new endeavor, but later this week, you should see the new update.  I would take suggestions for what area of concentration I should focus on, but I’ve already decided.  Also, I don’t care about your opinion.  I know…what a shock.

Check back soon.  Big things coming. (ok…not so big, but different…or not).

Oh, U.S.A., How You Disappoint!

I don’t know how many people knew, but for almost two years, I lived outside of the United States, in the merry ol’ Land of Australia.  During my time there, I learned so many different things, such as how to play rugby, the proper way to drink a beer bong, and that steak really does suck with no seasoning.  For a long while, I loved Australia, and thought that would be my permanent home for the rest of my life.  Then things started to come to the surface. 1) Australians really are quite bitter that the U.S. is better than them, 2) Hugh Jackman might be gay, and 3) kangaroos bite!  Needless to say, these revelations made me realize it was time to go.  When I came back to Kentucky, I was so proud to be back in the States.  Today, based on a few things, I’m not so sure I want to be here. 

I will admit that the starting point of this feeling came in November, when Obama was elected.  I will fully state that I don’t like the dude.  He’s a celebrity president.  No, he wasn’t a celebrity who became president, but he was a black male who was elected b/c he could act like he was a president.  It was a total popularity contest.  Nevermind he is not it to be president…he’s cool.  Cool Obama!! Give me a freaking break.  I let it go, and moved on.  However, here are a just a few things that have begun to make the “Punch List”:

• The media and government reaction to THE SWINE FLU (I put this in all caps because it’s so scary and ominous….oooooh!!!).  Pandemic? Really? People are freaking out over this bug because it’s killed some people in Mexico City.  Yeah, I’m betting Mexico City has great medical care.  Shoot, you can’t even drink the water down there.  I bet people die there more often from donkey accidents than they do the flu.  Like Miguel comes in to the hospital and says “Doctor (in a spanish accent), I have a splinter in my finger” and the doctor responds (also in spanish accent) “You’re going to have to lose that hand”.  The medical tools of Mexican hospitals are a hacksaw, duct tape, and a bottle of tequila.  The slogan of the Mexican healthcare system: “If it ain’t broke…amputate!”  WHen I get the Swine Flu and I nearly die, then tell me how it’s a “pandemic”.
• What the hell happened to freedom of speech? This is going to piss some people off, and I want to start by saying that I’m not taking a side on gay marriage, except to say that I don’t agree with it. (See how I took a side anyway? lol)  When did it become fair to judge someone based upon their feelings and being honest?  I think you all know I’m referring to the Miss USA fiasco.  This girl, Carrie Prejean, just answered the question honestly by saying “I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”  What is wrong with this answer?  Oh, that’s right, in the USA, we’re not supposed to say anything negative against homosexuals.  I forgot!  How dumb of me to think that a gay judge could even begin to fair and biased.  And who the heck is Perez Hilton? Is he Paris Hiltons dumber, sluttier brother?  Why do we care what these people think?  Honestly, and this is where I would go, Ms. Prejean, that question was unfair and not even appropriate.  The question should have been: If you win, will you wear a bikini a bunch and do useless appearances with pride?
• Finally, what freaking moron thought it was ok to list Michelle Obama as People’s 100 Most Beautiful People? Seriously? Was he a blind man?  She looks ridiculous.  Honestly, she looks like she could unhinge her jaw and eat an entire pig, like an anaconda.  There are a few adjectives I would use to describe her, but beautiful ain’t one of them .  Scary, for sure.

Oh, Technology!

As you may, or may not, know, I love technology.  It’s safe to say that I have a serious passion for all things new and “fandangled”.   I love my interwebby, DVR, ipod (both touch and video), LCD TVs, high-def, and of course, my blog.  If I could have parts of my body replaced with machines, I’d do it.  I’d be straight up Lee Majors from Six Million Dollar Man.  They would call me the $14.95 Doucher.  I’d be crushing paper bags, and jumping over speed bumps, and all the while that special sound effect would be playing in the background.  

One area of my life that I find more and more important is texting.  I’ve come to realize that I would prefer to text certain people than I would call them.  It’s easy, covenient,  and a perfect way for buttholes to ignore you.  All of these things I love.  I’m a texting fool.  However, something has started to intrigue me about this new habit of the 21st century; SEXTING.  I hope you all know what this is, because if you don’t, look it up.  Seriously, type this in Google and get ready to find multitudes of stories about this new phenomenon.  Wikipedia (I love made up facts) says Sexting “is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones.”  Most of the time, these messages are of a visual nature and include a picture of a girl or guy. (news stories HERE and HERE) Although, I’ve yet to hear much news about guys who do this.  Mostly because what guy wants a girl to see his junk on a tiny cell phone screen? (pssst…this is the JUNK I’m referring to)

The problem around sexting seems to be that it’s not an adult only fad.  Apparently, teenagers are going crazy mad over this and just sending nude photos of themselves left and right. Here are three of my initial responses to this: 1) Teenagers are just plain stupid, 2) Really? Don’t you have something better to do?, and 3) Teenagers are just plain stupid.  After getting those feelings out, I started to think about how things have changed overthe past twelve years.   To test out how out of touch I am with the youngsters, I attempted to “sext” a few friends a picture of mysel with no shirt on.  Although many of you are drooling over the though right now, the reaction was not as expected. (SHOCK)

First, a nude picture of an actual person you knew NEVER surfaced in my day (oh boy, here comes the “in my day…” sentences).  Second…why not?  I mean, this seems unfair.  Sure, every once in a while you would get a very “promiscuous” girl who would maybe take a polaroid (this company is broke) of herself, and then her boyfriend would pass it around.  Honestly, you did not want to be this girl, nor did you want to be the guy looking at this picture.   These girls were not the ones you took home.  Actually, I never took these girls anywhere.  I dated the same girl the whole time.  Yeah…I apparently didn’t have much fun. 

The funny thing to me is how dumb teens are.  I mean, sure, you’re an idiot and sent your 15-year-old, hormone crazy boyfriend a picture of yourself, and you were sure he wouldn’t show his friends.   Ok, you messed up, but then you were in utter shock that those people, who don’t even care about you, shared this picture with all their friends.   Here’s where the story gets shocking and sad. 

Now, there are law enforcement agencies out there trying to convict these kids of child pornography.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s terrible that teens are so naive.  Wait…naive doesn’t cut it.  I think moronic is more like it.  Apparently, one girl was so humiliated, she killed herself (story).  I’m not sure what she expected, but it’s a shame someone had to end their own life, regardless of the reason.  However, convicting teens of a charge that would leave them a sex offender for their entire lives is way out of line.  That’s like the kid who tries to buy cigarettes being charged with assualt.  Sure, it’s not appropriate, but these stupid cops and lawyers all buy their teenage kids any and all cell phones they want.  What did they expect?  Here’s a gun…don’t shoot anyone! 

There are four problems I see:

1. Teenagers and kids, for that matter, are being given cell phones and being taught to depend on them.  I’m not trying to judge anyone, but if I ever have a child, it will not have a cell phone until it moves out of the house.  Why do they need it?  I didn’t have one when I was a child, and look at me.  I’m freaking amazing!  What does a 13-year-old boy or girl need with a cell phone.  If they do get one, I’m not letting it have a camera.  I’m going to bring back those huge gray ones with the mushy white buttons.  Also, no digital cameras or webcams.  Also…no freedom.  I’m going to lock my children in their rooms at night.  We are way too cavalier with this freedom nonsense.  High school kids aren’t people.
2. Supposedly high school girls are complete pirate hookers now.  Seriously, I have photo evidence.  (ARGH, these girls just got out of middle school graduation.  This is what they have them wear.)
3. Vermont is the dumbest state alive.  Here is what Vermont is thinking “Wow, this is a big problem.  What should we do?  I got it…to get them to stop, let’s legalize sexting! Fool proof!”  That very same day Vermont sent out like 25,000 invitations to child predators with the slogan ”Come Stare Awkwardly at our Young Girls!” and “Vermont: The State for Oggling” .  Immediately after, they made shooting people a new sport. 
4. Finally: Why the heck is no one sending me sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones?  I’m hurt!

A Little Clarification

It has been brought to my attention that I am, and this is a direct quote, a “pissy little bitch”.  The same person was kind enough to also point out this piece of advice as well:

but seriously stop being so damn self loathing, the world isn’t against you but nobody wants to be around someone with such a piss poor attitude!!

There are a few things I would like to address from both of these statements.  First of all, it’s obvious this person loves the word “piss”.  They used it twice in one email.  I have to concur that the use of the word is quite enjoyable.  I use it sometimes.  Here are some examples: piss and moan, pissed off, and in the same light as my accuser; piss poor.  My brother and I once had a discussion about the term “piss poor”.  Seriously, what does that mean?  Did it come from someone being so poor that they had to resort to paying for things with their own urine?  Did they have like mason jars of urine sitting around waiting to pay for, I don’t know, groceries?  “Sir, I would like to buy a loaf of bread with a mason jar of my own piss”.  Yeah, I’m not sure that’s it, but if anyone knows the history of that expression, please let us all know. 

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I will have to say that this is the 2nd person in a few weeks who has commented on my attitude.  In situations such as these, one would be wise to assume that if more than one person is thinking the same thing, it must be true.  Of course, on the same note, plenty of people like reality TV, but that doesn’t make it quality programming.  I will, however, admit that I have not felt particularly chipper as of late.  I have been a “debbie downer” or as I like to call the male version a “doucher”.  I can imagine that this persona I’ve taken on as of late has not made me the most enjoyable company, but I have endeavored not to let this affect my personal life.  Strangely enough…it did anyway.  (if you didn’t read the underlying sarcasm, it’s there…trust me)

I’m not sure how to remedy this simply because the attitude I currently have has been created by the same relationships I would have to mend.  Without stating names, let me explain my frustration.  I live an hour from many people I have been good friends with for many years.  In 2008, on a regular basis, I would make the effort to drive to them and do what I could to maintain our friendships.  Unfortunately, at the end and beginning of the year, I was being forced (thank you my unnamed employer) to study for an exam for my job.  This caused me to not make the regular trips down as well as limited my ability to contact these same people.  I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything, because they would call me, right? Wrong. They didn’t, and I’m sure they had good reasons.  Of course, even though their reasons were legitimate, it did make me start to realize that if I were not to put the effort out, then it didn’t seem they would either. 

Now, this section might seem strange to some of you, and if it does, you are one of those people who have absolutely no idea how to be a good friend.  Honestly people, I talk to my best friend Lance, every week.  Without a shadow of a doubt, I will talk to him at least once a week. There was a time when I didn’t, and we grew apart, but that was a mistake.  See how I called it a mistake?  It’s a mistake to not keep in touch with someone you care about.   I’m a teacher people.  Take it all in.

Anyway, since January, only one of these particular friends has taken any effort to contact me.  While it may be true that he put that energy into our friendship, he lacked in the area that is also starting to rub me wrong (that sounded dirty).  None of these people, as of late, ever offer to drive to see me.  I know I live an hour away and all of the rest of them live like 10 minutes from each other.  I know it sucks driving an hour. Imagine doing that EVERY weekend.  I have recently made it clear that some people should come see me, and this was included in my loving email from a friend:

you chose to live there to get the money and live away from everyone else. sorry it sucks for you but then again you chose it so get over it.

I know…heart-warming.  I would like to clarify one thing for all of the people who I am talking about, who might possibly be reading this blog (odds are they are not).  You might be sitting around with each other saying “Why does he expect us to drive up there? He chose to live there”.  Honestly, I did choose to live here.  I would have loved to live in your area when I moved back, and that was my initial plan.  However, I “chose” to live here because my mother got sick, and without asking anything of me, needed me to stay here and help her and my father.  For a full summer, I put off work because I needed to be there for her.  When I was able to work, a good friend helped me get a job here, and that’s where I am now.  It wasn’t for money or to be “different”.  It was a life decision that I never thought would be thrown in my face as a reason why I should be the one sacrificing myself to come to you.  I don’t want you to come see me out of guilt.  I would come to you, but I haven’t really received any invitations, and I personally think it’s rude to just show up at someone’s house with a look on my face like “So, what are we going to do?”.  Have you called me? Texted? Did you lose my number?

I’m sorry readers who are not involved had to read this.  Actually, I’m sorry you have to read my blog at all.  I’m sort of lame…and don’t forget, a “pissy little bitch”.