The wrong way, the right way, and…

As the weekend approaches and I prepare myself for the lack of rest I’m going to receive because of staying up too late, and getting up too early, I have been thinking about a few important facts of life.  This, of course, is all brought on by the fact that a good friend of mine, Carrie, is turning thirty. To some people, this would be tragic.  I say “Screw You!” to those people. In a year from this June I will be 30.  I’m not worried at all.  Actually, that’s a lie, sometimes I lay in bed at night and think “Woah, I’ll be thirty”, and I get this sick feeling in my stomach.  Turns out to be gas mostly, but it’s there.  Let me tell you why I’m not scared and no one else should be scared of thirty.

I’ve lived for nearly thirty years, and therefore my knowledge of the world has expanded. I’ve seen 4 different presidents (5, if you count the first year I was born - I don’t).  I’ve experienced 80’s hair bands, 90’s pop, Metal, Grunge, Punk, EMO, Techno, and plenty of other musical styles be born and die.  As I’ve gotten older, my humor has expanded and I really feel like even though I’m not getting any more attractive, I’m at least getting funnier, which helps in most social situations.   I’ve got two degrees, which I use almost never.  Of course, college wasn’t about “degrees”, it was about educating yourself on being an adult and how life really will be outside of high school.  So, turning thirty is great, because you’re “mature”, whatever that means. 

Also, something that makes me proud is the fact I’m not married.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a part of me that wants to be in love, and that part of me gets frustrated with the games love play.  I just appreciate the fact that I’m not naive and rush into love.  I don’t freak out and think that if I’m not married by the big 3-0 I’m some kind of loser who will live the rest of his life alone. I’m sorry, that is not a reason to just marry the first girl who will say “YES”.  Actually, how many stories do you hear of girls saying no? That would suck. I’d like to see that happen - to me. That would bring a whole new level of bitterness to my personsality.   Before we go on, I need to stop and make a point here. 

I want to make sure that all of you know that I am in no way judging you if you are married or will be married before you turn thirty.  I’m know there are plenty of people out there who are meant to be together and therefore got married or are getting married young.  Apparently, some people feel I should tone down my attitude.  There are certain people who feel that my blog should never be an outlet of judgement of their “love”.  These people think that “the idea of love and marriage is so far off for you at this point in your bitter life” is the reason I make comments about love. Maybe they are right, but I choose to believe it’s because I’m better than them.   Hey, it’s my blog, it’s my opinion - I’m better!

Before anyone get’s confused, this is about Michelle and Ashley (I have decided to refer to them as Mashley to make it easier on me. They seem to only think about each other, so let’s just combine them).  I would hate for any of you to get the wrong idea that this was about you.  Mashley would tell me that I’m just bitter and angry and that love has yet to grace me with it’s ever inspiring presence.  Mashley would also tell me that this is because my life is “boring and mundane” and that I have too much free time on my hands that I feel the need to ruin their good times.  Mashley may be right. Who knows, maybe I am bitter and jaded and just an ass.  You know what though, I’m cool with that! 

I’m not asking anyone to accept this as their beliefs or their attitude.  Actually, I would advise you all against it - it’s extremely hard to keep this level of pessimism at a constant and still be as freaking cool as me. Most people would crap themselves. I’m only telling all of you my opinion of the world and love.  I’m pretty sure I know my opinion isn’t worth two dumps in the woods.  Some people, this includes Mashley, don’t like it when your views contradict theirs.  Why? The don’t want to feel bad.  I don’t blame them.  Who wants to hear how someone else can’t be happy because they don’t have love?  (I’m raising my hand right now) They want to be caught up in their world, where everything is great, shiny and new.  Unfortunately, being someone’s friend can mess this up.

I’m going to say it, and I’m going to say it loud and clear, and for the very last time.  I’m doing this because I’m confident in what I feel and what I think has happened to me, and I need to let it go.  I’m also doing it because I’m 95% sure they don’t read my blog anymore.  Mashley didn’t want me around anymore because I wasn’t a love cheerleader for them.  I didn’t stand up and say “Yay, love is so wonderful” or “Marriage is so beautiful”.  Did I tell them they were wrong for each other? No. Did I tell them to think this over and not rush? No. Did I talk behind their backs? No. Was I happy for them? Yes.  Can a run a mile without puking? Probably not.

The problem is that I didn’t jump and down, pee my pants, and pass out from the sheer amazement of them getting married.  Sorry if the idea of two of my best friends getting hitched makes me just a little sad about my love life.  I was happy for the two of them, and part of me wanted to get excited, but the part of me that understands REALITY wouldn’t let me.  They would tell you the reasons for my anger today and the seperation of our friendship would be due to my lack of sensitivy, and they would be right to a degree.  I’m not a nice guy sometimes, and I know that. Ask any girl that dated me. I can be a real dick! The trouble I have is that both of them knew this long before the dreaded “Never trust a Tony” incident.  I haven’t changed, and probably never will.  I just think it’s sad that because, in my opinion, Mashley decided to change and they no longer found it funny. 

Come to think of it, this could be why I’m still single and almost thirty. Huh, there is some good that came from Bizzaro Chris…

PS - All complainst can be lodged in the forms of either comments, emails, or just sitting at home watching TV and thinking “Man, he sucks”. These all work.