Lesson #22: Dating is for Suckers!
It’s been a while since my last post, and I’m really sorry to my five loyal fans. Each of you will be receiving a written apology from me in the near future. ( Near = Never and Future = kiss my butt) There have been a few things that have happened in my absence, and I feel it important to tell each of you.
- I have decided to wade into the online dating world more deeply and signed up for Match.com. This the website where if you don’t find “love” in six months, they give you another six months free. I’ve signed up for the 6-month challenge, and I’ve begun to track my progress. The website provides you with all of this criteria you must meet to beat their challenge. Here is a few things; a) email 5 people per month (I’ve emailed like 50); b) have a picture on your profile; c) keep your profile active at all times. I think I might fight any chance at love, just to spit in the face of Match. Funny enough, I was a little worried I might not be able to do that, when…
- I actually had a DATE! Not too long after I started using Match, I met a girl off there and we seemed to ”click”. One thing lead to another, and we decided to have a date. For anonymity’s sake, we will call her Melissa. So, Melissa and went to dinner, we hung out at her place, and she told me to let her know what I thought of her. She was funny, charming, intelligent, and very pretty. I told her all of this. I think some of you might be wondering where this went? NOWHERE! After our first date, we didn’t talk on the phone again, even though I called a few times. The emails continued but they slowed down. Eventually I just called her out, and she admitted to me that her EX had come back into the picture. So…I’m stopping the story, because I’m going to touch on this below.
- I have officially had 10,000 readers!!!! I have absolutely no idea when this happened, or who is dumb enough to read my blog 10,000 times, but OH YEAH! Honestly, it shot up really fast, so I decided to check where all my viewers were coming from. Turns out that on one day I hate 51 readers who directed to my blog based on the fact that they searched Anna Faris (so hot!!). Oh well, I don’t care how they got there. I’m going to start tagging all of my blogs with stuff that I know people will search for online. Here are some examples: Twilight, Jennifer Aniston, and Chuck Norris. Let’s work towards 20,000!!!
These were great milestones for me in the past few weeks, but I’m not going to linger. Today’s topic is about the fact that dating is for suckers. The sucker I refer to here is none other than myself. I know, I know, it’s hard for all of you to think that I, Maxx Power, would ever be be duped. However, as much as I would like to think I’m above the fate of the date (see how I rhyme?), I was apparently very naive. Here are the areas where my obvious lack of experience played against me:
- I thought that by a woman agreeing to a date, I was actually going to see someone who was “ready”. Apparently, you’re supposed to jump right into dating after a decent relationship, without any regard for the healing process. Supposedly, two months is quite long enough for a 25-year-old woman to be single.
- I thought that when someone calls or texts you, you are meant to respond. This is not true, people. No, in 2009, the courteous approach is to not respond at all, and then write an email which actually has no mention of an apology about the lack of communication.
- I thought your description of your personality and attitude towards dating was supposed to be honest. I almost would’ve banked on this one, but again; WRONG. You’re supposed to say common stuff like “I want honesty, communication, trust, openness” but really want you want is someone to make you feel better.
- I thought when you break up with someone you are supposed to stop talking, at least for a while. I had just let me past relationships go and moved on, hoping to find someone who could give me the happiness I deserved. Apparently, you’re supposed to hold onto that previous relationship, and let that person back in. Nevermind the fact that like one day earlier you were telling your date how bad of a relationship you had, and how you need someone completely different than that person. That obviously isn’t true, b/c you’re supposed to “drop everyone” when that doucher comes back and says “I can’t live without you” and “I’ll change, I swear”. Don’t worry about the fact they won’t change. That doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re not alone, and you can go back to your co-dependency.
So, apparently I have some learning to do about romance and dating. Here I am thinking that a lot of women are freaking idiots and are so dumb that they would let guys walk all over them. I always thought that women who say things like “Oh, he said he won’t do it again” and “I don’t see the problem if he treats me badly. I know he loves me” were the in the wrong. Sadly, today, I have just realized that all this time I’ve been wrong. From now on, it’s objectifying women and treatin’ em like crap. YAY LOVE!!
(Please note: this was satirical. I thought I would say that in case there are dumb women reading.)
Best tag: douchers! Enough said.
lesson 23 the girls you’re interested in are shallow. Your chances of finding your dream girl in a bar are slim. It will however give you practice in self confidence. Remember that first face to face impressions are very important, andyou must not disclose every thought and/or feeling (no matter how strong) at one time. Also, don’t analyze so much, it will only foil your “game.” I only say this out of love. I really want you to find your soulmate, because you really do deserve it.